I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
