sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
