Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
