im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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