Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
