that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I cockslap morals
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
