Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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