wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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