He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
