paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
