He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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