I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
