that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
