remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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