I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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