Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
