May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
