why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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