apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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