That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
