i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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