I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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