you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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