I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
