i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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