dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
