For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
