I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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