Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize