My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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