after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
