You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
