U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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