She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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