Michael Bay diarrhea
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
