we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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