Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
