could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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