We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
