is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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