I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I understand Curling. That high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Let's get the cat blown out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
