i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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