i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
