her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
send nudes
from the living room?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
