The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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