I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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