I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
