Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
