Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
