i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
