I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
