I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
