You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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