Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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