I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
