He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
