What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.