But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks