im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night