im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.