Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.