I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
