He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
